GLASTONBURY 2015

Its took two days of weeping before i could pluck up the energy to re open my faithful friend of last week, the 2015 Glastonbury festival app, unlike my many beers, the many friends i camped with and more importantly the weather, this handy device never let me down. It served not only as a location specialist at many times of need but it was also my memory's external hard drive, reminding me of where i needed to be and when. This was crucial at the festival that offers so much but so little time to do it in. It even worked in flight mode, it actually was the best thing since bread was offered up in slices. Perhaps most importantly though, without this handy tool i would probably not remember half the people i went to see and therefore would not be able to give you this stellar review of my week. So with a little help from my friend, here it is.

Fred Stitz - Lizard Stage

What a way to start the festival. Fred is a fantastic blues guitarist, full of slide technique and it really is just a show off of skill. If you are a guitarist like me though, its a delight to watch and eased me nicely into the festival on that Wednesday afternoon. 3 out of 5 (65 popcorns)

Prosumer - NYC Downlow Radio Room

It sounded boss. That's about as much as i can say, though the room it was in was far too small and sweaty to be in for longer than 15 minute spells. Braving the sweat though, the tracks he was blasting at our lobes were great, and i ended up meeting him the next day and getting a picture with the Steed. For that reason alone i think he's sound! 3 out of 5 (60 popcorns)

Wilko Johnson - Williams Green
Been giving Wilko a lot of air time since the lineup announcements were made, and his stuff with Roger Daltrey is bloody great, and live it was a good little set to get you in the mood for the rest of the day. Back in the night being a particular sing a long fave, it was short but sweet 4 out of 5 (80 popcorns)

Man Power - Beats Hotel

I don't think i have ever danced in Beats Hotel when its been empty. There was so much space to pull all my shapes that i had a blast. And I don't know much about Man Power, and in all honesty i cant actually remember much about the tracks that were played, but i know i had fun. so I'm giving it 2 out of 5. Not cos it was crap. because it almost certainly wasn't. but more because my old failing memory cant give it the same as the sets above. so 2 out of 5 (40 popcorns)

Gerd Janson B2B ATA - Beats Hotel

Beats hotel was a bit more full later on. And it was time to break out the steed, Steed was in his element. He even managed to bum an ostrich on a stick. We danced on tables and under orbs, and the tunes were bloody awesome. 3 out of 5 (70 popcorns)

Marcus Brigstocke - Cabaret

Wasn't sure what to expect from Marcus. I have seen him on panel shows on the tele box and thought the guy was humorous enough for sure, but stand up? Well the guy didn't let down, plenty of jokes about Glastonbury itself to make you laugh out loud uncontrollably and this would definitely make me want to part with some money to see him again away from the festival. 4 out of 5 (80 popcorns)

King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard - Park Stage

This was simply fucking boss. Only just started getting into this band just before getting to the festival and they just rocked it. I was swaying like a lizard king. Possessed and lost in their delightful psyche styles. 4 out of 5 (85 popcorns)

Leon Bridges - John Peel Stage

Smooth as poo! A throwback to the good old days of soul and Motown music, it sounds authentic and classic though modern and fresh, it blew me away in all honesty and i will definitely be keeping an eye on this guys career as it progresses. He may as well take all my money now for when he tours 5 out of 5 (95 popcorns)

Alabama Shakes - Pyramid Stage

This woman's voice is just spiritual. I have a full and frank apology to make to this band because for about 3 years i dismissed them completely and didn't listen to them purely because for some reason i had them pegged down as one of those boring indie bands NME bang on about. I could not be happier for being so wrong, great set. THAT VOICE! 4 out of 5 (80 popcorns)

Tom Binn - Cabaret

I actually lolled. Lots. This guy is so funny it made my sides hurt. Basically he plays the character of a hospital radio DJ, who is playing tracks for people in the wards. The best joke is about the man he tells us about with the He-man figurine stuck up his arse , he then starts playing "There's something inside so strong" well that's plain genius for me. Actually brilliant 5 out of 5 (90 popcorns)

Lulu - Avalon Stage

To say i wasn't expecting this to be my highlight of the weekend is an understatement. But she was absolutely bloody fantastic, I couldn't help but love her to bits. Her stories about dating Marcus Gibb perhaps the only irritant, but in all honesty she could tell me about Mr Gibb as much as she liked if she was going to play like this. It really was boss. Obviously the moment of the set had to be Shout and it was my standout moment of the weekend. It was just so much fun, i could have stood there, danced and sung to this song for the rest of the bloody week and I'd still be asking for more of it 5 out of 5 (10000000000 popcorns).

Phuture - Genosys

Didn't know much about Phuture, as ever my handy pocked sized hipster Dave was on hand to push me in the right direction for this one. Early creators of acid house or something, well i fancied a boogie. The setting could not be more perfect either. Genosys is a remarkable looking set up, a tall monstrous looking building with flashing lights everywhere, it really is an epileptics worst nightmare.  The tunes were as monstrous as the stage, big belting thundering tunes that you were forced to dance to. 4 out of 5 (85 popcorns)

Jagz Kooner - Jag'z Acid Lounge

Had no idea who this guy was, we just stumbled in as something to do between Phuture and Erol Alkan later on, but what an introduction, we walk in to 20th Century boy blasting out, followed up by some Primal Scream, followed by I Feel Love by Donna Summer. Hook line and sinker. This was some blissful filler 3 out of 5 (65 popcorns)

Erol Alkan - Genosys

When it gets to 4:30am most people would probably safely say, I've had a decent night, might be time to get back to the tent and rest for the next day, But Erol Alkan says NO, don't be a bad whopper and dance to this. It takes a special DJ to keep everyone dancing till 6am. But the whole field of people who stuck it out know they got a treat. There were definitely some frazzled looking people toward the end but it was definitely worth it. Even Florence was there dancing away at the front. Evidence below

Courtney Barnett - Pyramid Stage

I like Courtney and i thought it was OK this set, but it didn't grip me. At times it almost felt too big for her this stage. I might be being harsh as i thought it was nice enough. but after being well and truly spoilt by the acts the day before, for me this one fell a little flat. 2 out of 5 (45 popcorns)

John Fairhurst - Glade

God damn i was not expecting this one. From what i had heard of Fairhurst when i checked him out before the festival, i was expecting a much mellower affair but what he served up was an onslaught of Hendrix style rock songs. It was guitar wankery at its absolute finest. 4 out of 4 (75 popcorns)

Men in Coats - Sensation Seekers

A cheeky little 20 minute slot for what was in essence kids humour. But as I'm a big kid, i loved it. Some of what they did was a little bit too similar which is probably my only criticism. But for a little bit of fun to break up the day of music, it was a nice little act 2 out of 5 (40 popcorns)

Burt Bacharach - Pyramid Stage

Excuse me while i put on my velvet smoking jacket and fix my cravat, i am ready for the smoothest of 60's tunes to grace my ears, Burt did not disappoint. This was a glorious run through of some of the best songs of that era. Its easy to forget how many of the songs of that time he was responsible for and its humbling really to be in the presence of the man himself to take you through them all. 4 out of 5 (85 popcorns)

Todd Terje & The Olsens - West Holts

 After seeing Terje in Liverpool only a month previous at an incredible venue like the bombed out church, it was worrying me whether he could live up to that night again. It started slow and sluggish for me. and 3 songs in i was a little worried. But thankfully it did pick up. I think the problem was that some songs worked better at the church in that setting, though one thing is for sure bringing the NYC Downlow drag dancers on for Norse was absolutely brilliant. However i still preferred the church so 3 out of 5 (70 popcorns)

The Moody Blues - Acoustic Stage

While most of the mugs were off to argue about whether Kanye West was actually good or not (And after watching it back when i got home, i would have to say its a resounding NOT) I opted for the Moody Blues, a choice i could not be happier with now. They were incredible, going from hit to hit effortlessly, Nights in White Satin was a heavenly moment. And then they brought the great man out himself for the encore, Michael Eavis, joined them on stage to rapturous applause. No cherry pickers or ridiculous light structures needed. Sometimes if your that good, you just don't need gimmicks to play a legendary slot Mr West. 5 out of 5 (100 popcorns)

The Mothership Returns: George Clinton, Parliament, Funkadelic & The Family Stone - West Holts

Half of this clashed with the Moody's which was a bit shit, but i caught about 30 minutes as they ran way over there time slot, and  I'm glad they did as what i saw was one quality funk out. Standing on my jack jones with a party steed under my arm, i danced away merrily. I got the funk for sure. I would probably be scoring them more had i seen the whole thing from a bit closer but i will have to give 3 out of 5  (70 popcorns)

Jon Hopkins - Park Stage

Sadly despite a mad run across to the other side of the festival i didn't see enough of this as i would have wanted to, when i got there tho i was greeted to a visual orgasm of lights. It was something to behold and tho i cant score it that highly as i only caught about 20 minutes. It was more than enough to make me want to see him again. 3 out of 5 (60 popcorns)

Patti Smith - Pyramid Stage

Sometimes you just know its going to be awesome, and i had a feeling when she first got announced that this was going to be a belter. And anyone who saw it surely felt they were not let down in any way. Patti was incredible. And definitely lays claim to some of the best quotes of the festival, after falling on stage, instead of letting it affect her, she rises to her feet and screams "Yeah i fell on my ass at Glastonbury cos I'm a fucking animal" Its just sensational from first moment to last. 5 out of 5 (100 popcorns)

Lionel Richie - Pyramid Stage

I think its safe to say after walking around Glastonbury for a few days that one of the names on every body's to see list was Lionel. There was even a bar in Shangri-la that was Lionel themed, the aptly named Shrinel Lionel. Could he possibly live up to the hype? Easy!  The ballads were beautiful and when he turned it up a notch with dance favourites "Dancing on the Ceiling" and "All Night Long" the whole field would be bouncing. It would simply have been a sin not to get up and dance. Lionel himself looked giddy with the reception he was getting from the crowd and this added to the fun atmosphere. 5 out 5 (95 popcorns)

The Zombies - Avalon stage

Perhaps my biggest disappointment of the weekend. I don't know what it was, had i been previously spoilt by others over the weekend or did they simply just fail to live up to my expectation, maybe a bit of both. Whatever it was, i didn't click with this. even the hits failed to stir. Absolutely gutted as i love the Zombies on record. I refuse to believe its just "cos they're old" as plenty of the old guard have give me plenty of amazing sets over the years, but on this day, it failed to live up 1 out of 5 (15 popcorns)

The Who - Pyramid Stage

This was a hard one. This was a good set. It had plenty of great sing a long moments and plenty of stuff to cheer about, so why do i feel like this was disappointing. I almost felt let down by the lacklustre ending. Where was the WOW? i just watched the fucking Who at the Pyramid. I saw them at Liverpool Arena a few months prior to this, and on that night, i got the WOW. Tonight, i didn't, it was a good set but it just wasn't a great set and in all honesty afterwards i wish i had opted for Chemical Brothers instead so for that reason 3 out of 5 (75 popcorns)

2 Many DJ's - Arcadia

In all honesty this was all about just standing under a magnificent mechanical spider that fires out flames, laser beams and beats. Its simply incredible to look at. Music was OK but its all about Arcadia itself here 3 out of 5 (70 popcorns)

I could have mentioned far more of the other stuff you get at Glastonbury within this. But i would never remember half of what i saw and to be fair you just need to go to experience how amazing it truly is. The detail that goes into the bars/clubs/stages is actually insane. And words cant do it justice. Its festivals within festivals and its truly special. I Shared my time with truly incredible people as well. And i would encourage anyone who has never been. Even if you don't like " the music" Come for the experience. Join our party. Dance under our steed. I guarantee it will be the best week of your entire life. Till next year. PEACE AND LOVE xx